The Heart Of The Matter

For most who have experienced it, surviving a heart attack is a wake-up call.  My heart attack experience left me with many questions answered.  I had proven the obvious and well documented: high stress, substance abuse, and a lack of respect generally for the human body can kill you.  It’s all very — as I said — obvious.  So why am I writing about it?  Because it is the not so obvious that is catching up with me.

As I take my next steps to rebuild a weakened heart, I am carefully selecting the pieces of a small epiphany and stirring them gently into my new journey. If there has been anything in the way of a gift bestowed upon me by the ‘attack’, it is the new found knowledge that not everything you hear and read about health is accurate, meaningful or good for you.  Again, this is not news to many.  What is important to me is the realization that I truly do not know what ‘healthy’ really means or how it works.  I don’t really know what a protein is.  I do know that sodium has something to do with great tasting salami and water retention.  I thought enzymes were just a laundry thing.

More importantly, I now know how ignorant I am, how health illiterate I am, and that it almost killed me.  (Not to say that I wasn’t already killing myself.  Let’s say that ignorance unchecked can be an accelerant.)

Rewind a few weeks.  It was one of the busiest seasons of my career.  Amidst many projects, I was also enjoying the gig of a lifetime: writing and directing the Canadian tour of William Shatner’s one-man show, a production of Trixstar Productions.  The executive producer, Mike Anderson, the young, emerging, superstar, had landed the gig, taking it away from an Australian production company.

This opportunity found its way into my life at the end of a 3-year binge with alcohol and heavy smoking and the irregular flirtation with other substances, the supply of which came courtesy of colleagues and friends who were also caving into their own mired stresses in life and career; misery loves company — in powdered or leafy form.

The tour got off to a great start and all was well.  Except, for me, I had suddenly become incapable of doing anything physical without tremendous effort.  Even walking incurred heavy breathing.  By the end of the tour, I was 30 pounds heavier (all liquid related) and lost my breath just by sitting down to read emails.  What I did not know was that I had already had the heart attack, and it was not able to pump through the liquid I was retaining.

Maria Laskar, a friend and colleague I had not seen in many years, came to the Montreal show.  My plan had been to spend some time with her and her life partner, Sheila,  in the Laurentians as part of a post tour holiday.  It had been 3 years since I had had a decent break.  Once we got to her home in Ste. Agathe, she ferried me directly to the hospital.  The holiday became a post heart attack assessment and recovery program.

Ultimately, the probing of my heart revealed no major blockages, but it was clear my heart was slightly enlarged and weakened.  Life would have to change.  And so it started — with medication that helped me process over 30 pounds of liquid trapped in my body and nitro to reduce my blood pressure from 170/130 (some of you will know how bad that is) to a more normal 120/80.  Funny enough, my cholesterol was already good.  There were 5 or 6 other medications in my system and, frankly, I’m still trying to figure out what they are designed to do.

In 2 weeks, I had been transformed into someone healthier than I had been in past years, except for the reality of a weakened heart and body now demanding better, ongoing attention.  As I began to pick through the online offerings and sources of health information online — everything from Dr. Oz to Mercola.com —  I paused to remind myself about the one thing I experienced before the heart attack that I should never forget as I continue to trudge delicately forward on my quest to become sustainably healthy and, more so, understand what ‘healthy’ means and how it works for a 56 year old, selfish, mindlessly driven and self-consumed creative professional and Father of four.

In the weeks leading up to the tour, I had begun to cough and wheeze, first at night, and then progressively more throughout the day, often uncontrollably.  Someone who was visiting with me at the time offered some relief with various teas designed to address bronchial and breathing issues.  The teas became part of my regular intake on a daily basis.  At first, it seemed that the teas were providing some relief.  It was enough to convince me to use them throughout the tour.

The tour winded its way throughout Canada, the group of us cocooned on the concert tour bus equipped with kitchen, TVs, bed bunks —  all the comforts of home.  I often made a cup of tea, desperately trying to take the wind out of my escalating  — what I though was a — bronchial problem.   By the time the tour was half over, I had to sleep upright otherwise I couldn’t breathe.  Then, suddenly, I woke up to find my legs were, from hip to feet, three times the normal size.

Meanwhile, the struggle to breathe became an excruciating battle, hour to hour, for the duration of the tour.  My executive producer was concerned.  Nonetheless, I breathlessly carried on until the end.  Then — Maria — then — hospital — then …

The doctor told me I had had a heart attack.  The enzymes told the story.  My body — my heart —  was not able to  pump or process liquid and I had been saturating my body with it thinking the benefits of the teas promoting bronchial and breathing relief were helping.  The last thing I should have been doing is consuming as much liquid as I had throughout the trip.

Fast forward through the tests and medications.  Here I am, preparing to return home.  The lesson I take, besides the obvious lessons resulting from my abuse of life, is the fact that I do not know very much about healthy living.  So, the last thing I need to do is go online and think I know what I’m doing.  Otherwise, I might as well buy one of everything and take it all at once; try every exercise branded as a strength builder for the heart.

Actually, what I need to do is take baby steps, listen to those most qualified , which doesn’t include friends who think they know everything about the holistic or naturopathic side of life based on their own personal experience or myriad of vaguely qualified resources — the self made shamans bent on taking health by the proactive throat in order to save the crush on the healthcare system; noble notions, perhaps, but dangerous to some.

Nope.  This health illiterate is going to start slow, stick to the basics recommended by the appropriately qualified professionals and, together with a new found respect for life and health, make my heart happy — hopefully, for a very long time.