What Broke Your Heart?

Someone I know and appreciate asked me, “What broke your heart?”  It was as simple, eloquent, intrusive and provocative a question as I have ever heard.

I tried to explain it; my stammered, plodding answer: a dichotomy of “someone did this to me” and “I did this to myself”.

Quick summary. My heart is 50% of what it used to be. Now, a chronic condition. (My new, young doctor was quite pragmatic in explaining my reality and my options.)

In other words, I am half the man I used to be, meaning that ‘half my heart’ implies ‘twice the penis’. It’s a mathematical conundrum ( and a personal joke) and, now, I’m trying to strike the balance between what has really happened to me and how I interpret it to the world in an effort to help myself truly — really — understand it. Cause my life now depends on it.

So, next summary: I can’t piss around. Blood pressure — affected by everything. Interestingly enough, my cholesterol is PERFECT — in fact, it’s the condition that saved my ass — actually — my heart — from complete obliteration.  (NOTE TO SELF: I will never refer to my ‘ass’ in this context ever again.)

Soooooo … how do I avoid stress? Avoid challenging issues within relationships?  Avoid high stress projects?  Avoid fighting with the retail clerk about the lack of service in the store?

Yada yada .. etceterada.

The on-the-street-reality is, I have to get real. It’s time to assess the real options. Isn’t that what we do at this point — for those of us who realize we only have so many options left —- and time?

So, what have I learned?  Well, —- I think —- I must search for those hearts that are not as jaded as mine  — or  — are as jaded as mine. Perhaps it is about finding a ‘soul mate’. But, maybe, we limit ourselves by defining these issues with simple terms like — ‘soul mate’. We all want to be loved. We are all different.

When a connection happens, how do we know it’s the ‘one’?  Did we win a lottery? But the only way to win that lottery — is to know that we have.
(EDITOR’S NOTE: To TL: educate me around trust.)

Otherwise, one might break that heart — again.  And ‘again’ might be the last time it happens for people with a weak heart.

See the dilemma?